Hotdog Soup

Sounds disgusting, huh?  I threw it together tonight and B & Jilly loved it, so I thought I'd share.  this would be much healthier with dried, soaked beans...but I was in a pinch for time.

1 can of black beans drained and rinsed
1 nitrate free buffalo hotdog sliced
1 carrot peeled and chopped
1 stalk of celery chopped
1 1/2 cups of sea salted water or beef broth if tolerated
ground fennel to taste
cumin to taste

Add all ingredients and bring to a boil.  Then simmer until vegetables are soft.

It's not gourmet, but when B and Jilly both like something, it's worth sharing. :)

Edited to replace sage with fennel and to say this really is a kid soup.  I didn't like it, but B & J loved it.  So, cook at your own risk!

Update

B is doing really great.  Sometimes we get that look from people I know means they wonder if there is anything wrong with B's health at all.  I wonder if they think I'm some kind of Munchausen mom.  Believe me, this is not the case.  I would LOVE to give B slice of cake and ice cream or just make him a pb&j on the fly.  It would be FANASTIC to not give him allergy and B12 injections.  It would be AWESOME if he didn't have to take  supplements.  The fact that we get these looks means all of the above is working.  Hooray!

We had an interesting time this month when B caught some kind of infection.  We suspect strep because of the PANDAS and the way he was acting.  The throat culture came back negative, but strep can target other parts of the body, so I'm not convinced it wasn't a PANDAS flair.  Any veteran PANDAS moms want to weigh in?  This really is all new to me.

B woke up screaming that the light was hurting his eyes.  Uh-Oh.  He had a fever and was lethargic.  I sent him back to his bed.  Periodically, he'd get up to use the rest room or get a drink.  When he washed his hands, he turned the water off, then on, then off, then on about 10 times.  Then I heard a squeak, no, more of a hiccup.  When I checked on him, I realized he was swallowing air.  Over and over again.  A new tic.  Throughout the day, his little tummy became so distended, he was crying.  "Mommy, is my tummy going to feel this way forever?" More squeaks.  Swallowing air.  He was throwing screaming tantrums.  Fixating on things.  At one point he screamed, "I'm going to throw up!" and ran to the bathroom where he let out the longest burp.  Poor kid had swallowed too much air.  The next day, he just cried and yelled, "I can't stop burping!"  He couldn't stop swallowing air.  His other tics all came back, too.  I was worried.  

We called his DAN.  With B's leaky gut, antibiotics are a scary thing.  Antibiotics create more yeast which leads to a leakier gut which leads to more food allergies.  However, a PANDAS flair damages the brain.  Basically, B creates too many antibodies to strep and they attack his brain.  So, the strep needs to be taken care of.  Our DAN recommended we take him to our GP and start B on an antibiotic.  We did just that.  His tics went away except for the swallowing tic.  It seems pretty comfortable.  Our DAN has ordered a test to measure B's strep titers.

Shortly after we finished the course of antibiotics, B's shoulder tic reemerged.  We've noticed he is reacting to some new foods.  Unfortunately, I haven't been able to pinpoint the culprits.  But his ears will turn red, his tics will increase, his tantrums will flair, he'll get a few red splotches on his face.  But this is on a small scale compared to what was going on when he was sick. 

This really showed us that we need to heal his gut, not just avoid foods.  He can't stand to lose any more foods, so we researched some options.  We have decided to follow the GAPS (Gut And Psychology Syndrome) diet.  I will blog more about GAPS hopefully tomorrow.  We will begin when we return from Autism One.

Speaking of Autism One.  I would like to give an overview of the sessions I see on my blog.  I may have Erik be a guest author because he is the one with the scientific brain.  Coming soon in May (I hope!).

Oops...forgot to add.  B has grown and inch and a half and gained two pounds! Yay!  He is growing!

I Will Protect Him

Before my break, I was feeling down, defeated, and really just plain scared.  I was feeding myself too much information.  I really needed to take a step back and focus on what was important.  I took a break from vaccines, autism, politics, the news, etc...  I can't even begin to tell you how much lighter I feel.  Today, my little brother gave me this quote from AW Tozer: "Nothing should so occupy the mind of the Christian than discovering God each day."  I'm going to tape that to my mirror as a reminder.  Admittedly, I did not seek Christ diligently every day.  God is still working on me.  I took me weeks to realize that a relationship isn't me trying to sneak in a quick quiet time that consists of me reading the word and talking then shutting my Bible.  A relationship with God requires me to listen, to pause, to ask questions.  Isn't that how relationships work?  This does not come easy to me.  I'm still growing.

The first day of my break, Erik was wonderful and watched the kids so I could have a few hours to myself.  I went to a coffee shop, ordered a hot chocolate, and settled down with my Beth Moore Bible study on King David.  (I highly recommend it!)  I was reading, studying, and in the back of my mind thinking of B.  Thinking of the vaccine issue.  Worrying about what ifs.  What if they (vaccines) are mandated.  What if choice is removed.  What would happen to B if this were to happen.  I continued my study when suddenly I felt God speak to me...not heard Him, but felt him. ( It was very similar to this moment: Adjusting )  "I will protect him."  At that moment, I am a sobbing mess in the coffee shop.  Relief, joy, a years worth of worry just melting away.  Now, I don't think that means protecting B from everything life throws his way...but just the issues I was worried about.  I will hold onto those words forever.  I wrote them down as soon as I felt them.

I'm baaaaack

I have so much to write I don't know how I'm going to fit it into one post...maybe I won't.

First, I have to say the time away from facebook/forums/blogging was much needed and cleared my head.  I realize I was beginning to sound a little cuckoo.  I was tempted to hide some posts, but then this blog wouldn't be sincere, so the ugly stays.  I do have a confession.  I went on the internet to research a new nutrition plan for B, to show B what an eardrum looks like, and to look up a few recipes....oh, and I googled toxic encephalopathy.  It was written on B's medical chart and I wanted to know what it was.  Silly me, google didn't take into account that biomedical treatment can fix  things like toxic encephalopathy.  I'm not going to worry.

I feel refreshed.  Renewed in spirit.  So thankful for my heavenly Father and the sweet family he has blessed me with.  Amen and Amen! :)

Now, since my brain works in boxes, I'll start the update in a new post.



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Little seed planted...

This afternoon, B and I were working on his verse for Cubbies.  Matthew 1:21 "......He will save his people from their sins."  B knows what sin is.  We've had this discussion before.  I explained sin again.  Then we had this conversation:
Me: Do you know who He is.
B: Jesus.
Me: How did he save his people?
B: He died on the cross.
Me: Right, so when He died on the cross, he took all our sin upon himself so we would be free of sin.  He forgives our sins.  That is what is meant by Jesus saving us.
B: Back up.  What did you say?
Me: Jesus saves us.
B: No, what did you say before that?
Me: Jesus forgives our sins.
B: No, I mean, what did He do on the cross?
Me: He took our sins upon himself.
B: Yeah!  Why did he do that?
Me:  He did that so we would be free of sin, so our sins would be forgiven.
B: That was so nice of Jesus!
Me: It was, unbelievably nice.
B: Mommy, did Jesus take my sins away?
Me: If you want him to, he will forgive your sins.
B: How do I do that?
Me: You pray to ask Jesus to come into your heart and.......

B had already begun praying excitedly.  Little hands clasped and eyes squeezed shut.
"Dear God, please come into my heart!  Amen!"  Big grin on his face.

I was so proud and happy.  While I know his little boy mind doesn't completely grasp what God has done for us, it makes my heart soar to see him so excited and to appreciate the gift of God's eternal grace.  I continued to explain to him how we should confess our sins to God and ask his forgiveness.  That asking Jesus into his heart means he should do what God wants him to do.  This will be an ongoing conversation.  Reason number 582 that I love Jesus.  We are always learning and growing in Him.

Speaking of growing in Christ.  I'm giving up the internet for Lent.  I've been turning to it for advice, to let off steam, for entertainment, to ease mommy loneliness.  All the reasons, I should turn to God and His word.  So that is exactly what I'll do.  When I feel the urge to go online, I'll plug into prayer, bible study, journaling, and scripture learning.  I'm excited for this growth!

The Brave Dr. Blaylock Explains it All

This is just a quick post.  I have a hard time relaying what happened to B and what his condition is.  What makes perfect sense in the DAN doctor's office doesn't seem to make sense when I try to describe it.  Tonight, Erik stumbled upon this and it fits B (well except for the schizophrenia) like a glove.  Thank you Dr. Blaylock.  You will forever be my favorite neurologist!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYuYramYdAs&feature=player_embedded

For my family who are still trying to figure out the quirks of the internet, click on the link above ;)

Fight or Flight

I loaded the kids up in our minivan.  Jilly was almost one and a half.  B was three.  I'd heard the Dillon's across town had a new 'special diets' section added the store.  This was to be my first shopping trip after receiving B's food allergy diagnosis.  As we pulled into the parking lot, I was filled with hope.  A plan.  I was taking action.  Finally being proactive to heal my boy.  We got out of the van and I strapped B into the red shopping cart car and Jilly in the front of the cart.  I wheeled the kids into the store to the organic produce section.  I looked at the fruits and veggies.  I tossed some bananas into the cart.  In my head, I'd had the idea I was going to purchase a lot of produce.  When I saw the prices, I deflated a little.  So I picked up some grapes, a few sweet potatoes, some broccoli and decided that would have to be it for produce.  Then I started for the special diets section.

 My heart picked up pace.  I was a little excited to see the special foods just for B.  I wanted to find pasta, waffles, pancakes, chicken strips, muffin mixes....you know, all the foods he always ate but without the allergens. I went to the frozen section first.  Imagine my surprise when not one waffle, pancake, or ice cream would work for B.  No chicken nuggets, no soups, no cake mixes, no muffins.  A clerk walked up to me and asked me if she could help me find anything.  I explained B's allergies and she helped me look for a cereal.  She went through every box and every time, I shook my head.  I thanked her for help while trying to keep it together.  As she walked away, I lost it.  I stood in the middle of that store and cried.  I felt helpless, defeated.  The wind had left my sails.  As I dried my eyes and continued my search, a girl walked up to me, a fellow organic mommy, and said something like, "Good for you for feeding your kids well.  I can tell they are really healthy."  The irony hit me.  Here I was trying to find carbon copies of the junk I was used to feeding my boy (in a healthier version).  I did not know how to feed him and he was super unhealthy.  So unhealthy the very food he ate was attacking his skinny little body.

Fast forward to now.  Yesterday we went to Whole Foods.  I LOVE that store and wish the closest one wasn't over an hours drive.  We loaded the kids into the red car.  I filled the cart with fruit, vegetables, almond milk, hemp milk, different oils, flours, meats.  I know what to feed B.  He is so much healthier.  The shopping has become much easier.  So, I thought I was handling things.  Smoother sailing.

Today in church, I realized I'm not handling things.  I tried to concentrate on the sermon but my mind was wandering. Many of you know, and some of you do not know, that I whole heartedly believe B was injured by his vaccinations.  I have only skimmed the subject in this blog because I don't want that to be the focus.  I don't even know when I'll be able to share, I only know it's not now.  Anyway, when somebody is faced with a threat it is a natural response to go into fight or flight mode.  It hit me, right there in church, that that is what I have been going through this year.

I have been unplugging.  Not facing my day to day responsibilities with strong effort.  Not giving my children or Erik my full attention.  This is so hard to admit.  I find ways to distract myself.  An audio book, the radio, the internet, games.  Seriously, you know you've played too many games of 'Angry Birds' when your child is overheard praying, "Dear God, please give mommy more birds so she can defeat those piggies.  Amen."  Worse than that, I have not been giving God my full self.  I've half heartedly finished my devotions while my mind drifts.  My prayers have not been fervent and strong.  This is me in flight mode.

I have also been in 'fight' mode.  If you are my facebook friend you know this and probably question my sanity.  I want to fight the drug companies that did this to my son.  I want to expose the greed, the corruption, the lies.  Unfortunately, fight mode is not pretty, either.  It can be all consuming.  It has made me bitter.  It has taken every thought captive.  It has robbed me of joy.

Obviously, I need to get a grip and refocus.  I have a Heavenly Father, waiting with his arms outstretched for me to rest in Him.  He is good.  He is love.  And I need to rest this weary mind.  With this I am asking for prayer from those of you who share a love of this amazing God.  Please pray that I can get off this vicious cycle of fight or flight.  Pray that God would heal my heart, that my focus be on Him.  That God grant me peace that surpasses all understanding.  That I would be aware of His answers before going into 'fight' mode.  That I would have clarity of mind.  That I would plug back into my family.  Thank you.

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:6-7