Sunday, April 24, 2011

I Will Protect Him

Before my break, I was feeling down, defeated, and really just plain scared.  I was feeding myself too much information.  I really needed to take a step back and focus on what was important.  I took a break from vaccines, autism, politics, the news, etc...  I can't even begin to tell you how much lighter I feel.  Today, my little brother gave me this quote from AW Tozer: "Nothing should so occupy the mind of the Christian than discovering God each day."  I'm going to tape that to my mirror as a reminder.  Admittedly, I did not seek Christ diligently every day.  God is still working on me.  I took me weeks to realize that a relationship isn't me trying to sneak in a quick quiet time that consists of me reading the word and talking then shutting my Bible.  A relationship with God requires me to listen, to pause, to ask questions.  Isn't that how relationships work?  This does not come easy to me.  I'm still growing.

The first day of my break, Erik was wonderful and watched the kids so I could have a few hours to myself.  I went to a coffee shop, ordered a hot chocolate, and settled down with my Beth Moore Bible study on King David.  (I highly recommend it!)  I was reading, studying, and in the back of my mind thinking of B.  Thinking of the vaccine issue.  Worrying about what ifs.  What if they (vaccines) are mandated.  What if choice is removed.  What would happen to B if this were to happen.  I continued my study when suddenly I felt God speak to me...not heard Him, but felt him. ( It was very similar to this moment: Adjusting )  "I will protect him."  At that moment, I am a sobbing mess in the coffee shop.  Relief, joy, a years worth of worry just melting away.  Now, I don't think that means protecting B from everything life throws his way...but just the issues I was worried about.  I will hold onto those words forever.  I wrote them down as soon as I felt them.

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