Wounded

I was browsing my blog list tonight and came across this one from Carly at Thoughts of Him: Scars.  It is beautiful and insightful and got me thinking about my own scars.  Which led me to think about the scar I want to have.  Right now, all this going on with B is a wound.  A big, festering, bleeding on the carpet, somebody grab the steri-strips wound.  Sorry for the visual.

We had an awesome appointment with our biomed doctor this week.  B's labs look so much better!  His heavy metals have decreased quite a bit.  His yeast is down by a lot!  Everything looked much better.  I may go into detail in another post.  I was on cloud nine!  He had been looking healthier, thinking clearer, just overall really great.  I love biomed!  I love our doc!  Can you believe he spent 2 hours going over labs, explaining each item line by line with us?  A refreshing change from the get you in, get you out before you can even remember what you wanted to ask appointments that seem to be the norm everywhere else.  Dr. B explained what supplements help with each function.  He showed us where we needed to adjust according to B's labs.  Dr. B is nothing if not thorough.

All this happiness in one appointment was dampened a little.  That same week, I'd heard a news story about the FDA trying to ban supplements.   Or trying to regulate them, which means they will be pulled off the market.  My heart sank.  This is really happening.  These life saving, all natural, made from the plants and minerals God gave us, supplements may not be here to help my son anymore.  I could watch B regress.  I could happen in as little as a few months.  I hurt in the deepest places of my heart thinking about this.  And it hurts that many in our country don't know or don't care.  I just want to show everyone my sweet boy's little face and say, "How can we let this happen?"  Please sign the petition to stop this from happening.

This week has been rough.  I think it's a PANDAS flare, or allergies, or something.  I don't know.  B's tics are really bad.  Worse than they've been all year.  I was watching him play his Leapster and he had to pause it to roll his head, jump up and down and yell.  He's been sensory seeking nonstop.  Crashing into our couches, crashing into us, wanting to hang from our arms, spinning, standing on his head, flapping his hands.  I don't know what's going on with him.  Maybe he's coming down with something.  It's ragweed season, too, so maybe we need to increase his allergy shots.  It's times like this that I feel like I'm holding my breath.  I don't know what's going to happen.  B could come out of it or he could regress further.  That scares me more than anything.  Regression.  Sometimes I feel like this whole world is against our children.  Maybe that's not a sane response to what is going on.  But remember, I'm bleeding.

I have a hard time turning this over to God.  I can't seem to let go of this worry.  Nonstop worry.  It's always on my mind 24/7.  It's too much.  All of this is too much sometimes.  But I feel guilty for saying it's too much when I know I'd do so much more if it would help my child.  I know this wound will never be a scar if I don't take it to God.  I need to hand it over to Him for complete healing.