"Mommy, I really miss cheese."
"When can I have pizza again?"
"When will my allergies go away?"
"Will I always have to have allergy shots?"
"I don't want a B12 shot!"
"Why do I need an epipen? Does it hurt?"
"Am I allergic to this soap?"
"Am I allergic to this soap?"
Sometimes, I wonder if B feels micromanaged. I worry that he will resent me for being so hyper vigilant about his surroundings and what he eats. I do my best to recreate the foods he misses. I try to let him make choices. But there is a lot of 'no' and 'I'm sorry.' He hears it too often. Sometimes he just wants to fit in. Eat what his friends are eating. Eat the cake at the birthday party. Have the same treats wrapped in cellophane. Enjoy everything at the family dinner. I'm always amazed at his will power and the way he mostly lets it roll off his back. But lately, I've been getting the questions. The hurt look in his eyes when I once again tell him, "I'm sorry baby, there's _______ in that." To him, it must feel like he is controlled. This worries me and makes me wonder...will he one day resent me?
God gave me perspective today. He took those worries and eased them. He worked through B and spoke to my heart.
We met some friends at the park today. B needed a drink and ran a little further than I was comfortable with. There were a lot of school groups at the park today. I ran behind him and watched from a distance as he drank water from the fountain. When turned around and saw me, his face lit up. He walked to me and grabbed my hand. "Mommy? Is there a gooder mommy than you in this world?" My mind was thinking, "Absolutely," but I answered, "What do you think?" He thought a second and said, "I don't think there is. You are the best mommy."
We met some friends at the park today. B needed a drink and ran a little further than I was comfortable with. There were a lot of school groups at the park today. I ran behind him and watched from a distance as he drank water from the fountain. When turned around and saw me, his face lit up. He walked to me and grabbed my hand. "Mommy? Is there a gooder mommy than you in this world?" My mind was thinking, "Absolutely," but I answered, "What do you think?" He thought a second and said, "I don't think there is. You are the best mommy."
B had an award ceremony tonight for AWANAS. Each child got a sack of prizes and goodies. His Spark leaders are awesome and filled his sack with a few fun things and about 4 Dum Dum suckers, a safe candy for him. Candy is a rare treat at our house. B prizes it when he gets a kind he can eat. When we got home, he picked out a strawberry Dum Dum and said, "Would you like this one mommy?"
He is thoughtful and kind and selfless. I may not be the goodest mommy in the world, but I am the most blessed. Thank you God, for this little boy who teaches me so much and for his little sister who fills our hearts with laughter.
He is thoughtful and kind and selfless. I may not be the goodest mommy in the world, but I am the most blessed. Thank you God, for this little boy who teaches me so much and for his little sister who fills our hearts with laughter.
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