Confessions

1. B had taco shells out of order and off his rotation.

2. He had dum dum suckers two days in a row...oops make that three.

3. He did not take all his supplements last night...and skipped vitamins C, A, and calcium tonight.  He is not    feeling well and had a hard enough time with the probiotic.

4. I did not hold my cyber tongue and lashed out at somebody...then quickly erased my temper before I hit send.

5. I harbored resentment toward this person...then was very humbled by her apology.

6. I let B watch A LOT of television today.  

7. B and J had cereal for lunch.  It was organic with almond milk...that makes it okay...right?

8. Jilly is sick too.  She slept most of the day and I spent the afternoon on the computer and not cleaning out the bathroom cupboard like I had planned.  

9. It has been approximately one and a half weeks since I worked on the alphabet with B...and we are only ready for letter E.

10. I haven't wiped down my kitchen counters yet.

11. I did not exercise.  

What I did do today:

1.I spent an incredible early morning time studying and journaling my prayers to God. 

2. I stripped the sheets in B's room and ran 2 loads of laundry. 

3. I listened to the love of my life practice a speech he will be giving tomorrow night.  He is an amazing advocate for B and others like him.  I am so proud. 

4.  I spent the evening holding my sick babies while they fitfully slept.  

I've been beating myself over 1 through 11.  But, you know what?  At the end of this day, my four accomplishments filled my heart....well, maybe not #2, but 1,3, and 4 I wouldn't have traded for anything.

A Rainbow for B

Just the other day, I was making dinner and B was rattling on about colors.  I asked him what color was his favorite and he said, "green, and blue....and white....and..."  I told him that it is okay to like all the colors because when they are put together, they make a beautiful rainbow.  He got quiet for a moment, looked a little sad, then said, "Mom, I've never seen a rainbow."  I replied, "I'm sure God will show you one very soon."  I can't remember if he prayed for one or if that is where the conversation left off.

The very next day, the sky was sunny and clear.  We were running errands in the van.  Suddenly, it began to sprinkle.  It was one of those gentle mists on a hot day that are always welcome.  As the rain let up, we looked to the sky and there was a gorgeous rainbow.  B was in awe!  "Mommy!  That is a beautiful rainbow!"  Then, "That was so nice of God to send me a rainbow!"

Sometimes, it's hard to comprehend that God could love us, as individuals.  That he could love me, know what I need, know the desires of my heart.  This was just the reminder I needed.  God sent my son a rainbow.  A big, colorful, in the sky for everyone to see rainbow and He sent it to B, a little boy.  I am blown away by His goodness and His faithfulness.

That night during our evening prayers, I asked B if there was anything he would like to pray about.  Sometimes he does, sometimes not but he always asks for a prayer.  That evening he said, "Yes.  Dear God, thank you for sending me a rainbow."   Thank you, God, for sending me B.

Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

Preparing for Preschool

B is going to preschool next month.  Preschool!  I'm a little excited, a little nervous and, well, a little sad.  With preschool comes physicals (ugh)  and dental appointments (double ugh).  We have been avoiding the dentist for four years now.  Little man lets me floss his teeth and he's a regular brusher.  I've not been too worried about his dental health.  I made the appointment today with a pediatric dentist and my conversation went a little something like this:
 Receptionist: Is there anything we should know about Bryson?
Me: Umm, he has sensory processing disorder.  He may be a little difficult.
Receptionist: Does he have any allergies we should be aware of?
Me: (how do I answer this?) Yes and the fluoride treatment is out for him.
Receptionist:  Why?  Is he allergic to fluoride?
Me: (Why didn't I just say yes?)  No, he has aluminum in his brain.

The receptionist must have thought I am completely off my rocker.  I'm sure she expects us to come waltzing in with tin foil hats.  But the truth is fluoride and aluminum are a bad bad bad bad combination. I am not looking forward to this.  B panics when we cut his hair.  What will he do with the electric tooth polisher buzzing around inside his mouth?  Seriously, the health department should cut parents of children with SPD a little slack.

B also has to have his ears checked to attend preschool.  We tried that already.  We could not get the headphones over his ears.  B panicked, went into fight and flight, and the nurse gave up.  How do I get past that on his health form?

This is all a frustrating process.  It should be no big deal, but to B things like this are huge stressors.  I really hope these medical professionals have a little knowledge and experience with SPD or we could be in for a wild time.

Twas the Night Before.

Four years ago tonight, I couldn't sleep.  I knew I was about to set eyes on my baby boy for the first time.  I imagined his eyes, his nose, his fingers, his face.  The anticipation was intense.  I knew my life would change.  I knew I loved this little person more than my own life.  I. could. not. wait. to. hold. him.

At 2:50 pm on June 23rd, my little monkey arrived.  Exhausted after 3 hrs of pushing, I held him in my arms.  He looked up at me with his squinting blue eyes.  And I thanked God.  Although I imagined him, my mind's image did not even compare this child's beauty.  He was/is a miracle.  I peered into his little face and said, "I'm your momma."  I can still remember how he felt, cheek on my collar bone, curled up into a warm little ball of new life.  Kisses, a million kisses on his soft downy hair.

Someone once told me, a child told me, "He's going to touch a lot of lives."  And he has and he does and most of all he touches their hearts.  What a blessing this sweet boy is.  What an absolute gift from our Heavenly Father.  Happy birthday B.  I love you more than you will ever comprehend. You, child, are so very special to me.

Woot Woot!

We have had an AMAZING week!  B's sensory issues seem to be disappearing one by one.  He swinging has gone from a little swing to..kicking the leaves!  He used the hand dryer at the drive in last night!  He put lotion on this morning!   He ate sunflower seeds, when the texture used to revolt him.  I am one happy momma :)

Biomedical treatment sometimes gets a bad rap.  I've heard comments like, "there's no science behind it to prove it works."  "Parents are just grasping at straws and subjecting their kids to unnecessary treatment."  Let me tell you, I do not care what the critics say.  I have living, breathing, high swinging, proof.  I have yet to figure out why some seem to think changing the foods that our children eat and giving them supplements is extreme.  For my boy's sensitive system, dosing him with Haldol would have been extreme.  Extra vitamins and whole foods, not so much.

B started probiotics this week to get rid of the yeast in his gut.  When researching probiotics we found that children often regress a little while their bodies are detoxing.  I'd say B must be in the detox phase.  He is bouncing off the walls.  He can't sit still for even 30 seconds.  He is constantly talking and when he runs out of things to chatter about, he reverts to babbling like his little sister.  He's having monster meltdowns over trivial things.  I guess this is good news.  Die yeasties!  You nasty little buggers!  Seeing him act like this has really shown me how far he has come.  He used to be this way ALL the time.  And to think I thought he was just quirky.....denial.  Thank you God for the tics!  Without them, we never would have sought treatment.

Now, my mission is to make a gluten, dairy, rice free birthday cake.....and have it taste good.  Little man is turning 4!

The Great Horned Owl

This week, I was reading Character Sketches to B.  A great book!  The first chapter was about the great horned owl.  When the weather is cold, the great horned owl will forgo eating to sit on her eggs....during the entire incubation period!  If she leaves the nest, her eggs could get to cold and the owlets could die.  Even when a blizzard rolls in, she will not leave her eggs to fly to safety.  What an amazing mother!

I felt very convicted after reading this.  I sometimes resent that my schedule is so full of cooking, cleaning, being needed.  (Wow!  That was hard to admit!)  It feels that every minute is taken up with work.  I become very self centered and therefore, self serving.  God blessed me with two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, and I complain about not getting my wants met.  Yet the great horned owl goes without eating! to meet the needs of her children.  When God molds me, I sometimes don't like what I see in my 'character sketch.'  I am, however, grateful He reveals my shortcomings.  These are things I really need to pray about and work on.  I need to:

*Bless my family by taking care of them and not do it 'out of duty.'
*Take more time to play with B&J.
*Enjoy every precious moment I have with my children.
*Give thanks that I have the opportunity to care for my family.
* Stop self serving and gain a servants heart.


 "You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. " ~Galatians 5:13

Kicking Leaves

  B used to love to swing.  He would say, "higher, higher!  Want to kick leaves!"  We would push him so high his feet would touch the tree branches and he would belly laugh.  I remember getting bored with the swinging, but never bored with the giggle.  One day, while at the park, I put him in the swing.  I put his little legs through the leg holes and proceeded to give him a push.  He immediately started screaming, "stop! STOP!  Too high! Too high!"  It was only half as high as we would push him at home.  I didn't realize, then, that this was a sign of a sensory disorder.  I just thought he was grumpy and didn't want to swing.  These past two years, B would only swing on his tummy, very slowly and low.  That is, until this week.  B sat in his swing, clung to the chains, and said, "Push me mommy!"  It wasn't too high, but this is a start!  I'm really hoping he'll eventually kick the leaves and belly laugh.

B has a fear of the vacuum cleaner.  When he was younger he would scream in terror at the noise it made.  I learned to warn him in advance so he could to go to his room and shut the door.  Tonight, when I started up the vacuum, he sat in the kitchen.  He did not run to his room and I thought, "Hmm.  This is progress!"  Then I saw his little face peek around the corner and in an apprehensive voice, he said, "Mommy?  Can I help?"  He proceeded to take the handle as I helped him pass the vacuum across the floor.

These may seem like small things, but they are HUMONGOUS (as B would say) to me.  I am so proud of him for facing his fears and doing what is more than uncomfortable for him.  He is a little fighter.  I am so thankful God blessed me with this stubborn little boy.